Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I've Been Hiding...

I've been hiding from the blog.  But one can only hide for so long.  I've been avoiding the blog because I've gone quiet.  That's what I do when I'm grieving, or coming up against something hard in my life.  Some people are able to muster their thoughts into deep, moving posts which help them work through whatever is facing them.  But for me, words fail me.  Writing about it doesn't  make me feel better.  I wish it did, but it doesn't.    

I go quiet in real life too.  I need time to think.  To feel.  To process...without everyones thoughts and input and words.  I can't hear God when everyone else is talking to me...and so, for a time, I just sit at His feet...because He's the only one that understands me.  

My last post was December 31st.  At the time I wrote it, I didn't know that I would be spending New Years Eve with good friends...at a Hospice Home.  Laughing, and crying, not knowing what to say, or what to do.   Much has changed since December 31st.  

God called Tate home to Heaven on January 3rd.   My tears and hurt are not for Tate, because I know where he is, running around in that perfect new body that, here on earth, didn't cooperate with him.  

I hurt for my son, who lost one of his best buddies.   I hurt for my friend, who buried her son.  I hurt for their family...because going on with life without Tate seems nearly impossible.  My heart aches for them.

A new perspective has formed.  Tragedy does that.  It's a crash course in perspective.  What I once would have seen as problems, both in my own life, and in others, now seem...well, sort of ridiculous.  

Absolutely ridiculous.

I no longer am going to live my daily life wallowing in meaningless problems either my own or those around me.  What a waste.  Maybe that's not the best thing for a pastors wife to say...after all, we're supposed to sympathize with everyone, right?  Or not.  Maybe all the sympathizing is the wrong thing.  Maybe sometimes, they need a good dose of reality as well.  Maybe, like me, they need to be reminded to Get Over Themselves.  That life is not about me.  It's about what God wants to do through me...which is far greater that meaningless annoyances. 

Let's grieve with those who truly need to grieve.  Let's hurt with those who hurt.  But let's also tell each other when we're being ridiculous.  

My filter is gone, eh? ;)


  1. good stuff. good, good stuff.

    I'm sorry about Tate! May he dance his little heart out in heaven!

  2. Beautiful post! I am so sorry about Tate . . .

    I feel for your boys that lost their friend.

    I feel for your friends who lost their son.

    I feel for you who endures with friends.

    Thank you for the reminder that "stuff" doesn't matter.

  3. I am just so sorry, words can't express my sympathy for you, your son, and Tate's family. I can't imagine the pain of burying your own child. My prayers are with you all.

  4. Tate's family are in my prayers! You are in my prayers to! Take Care and you are right on! Good Reminders!

  5. You nailed it! We recently found out that my dad's cancer is *the aggressive type*! Tough words to hear.
    His options are limited. Suddenly I have realized that a lot of other *worries* are definitely meaningless!!

    I am praying for Tate's family and of course your family!

  6. I am so sorry to hear about Tate. I am praying for his family and yours. I lost my precious brother when he was 21. My consolation is that I will see him again.

  7. i just wrote loads of stuff down then i deleted it i still cant write how l am feeling l know one thing i am very lost. steph is very lucky to have u as her friend.

  8. OK, I just checked my reader. That's why I didn't know about Tate.

    I don't even know your friend but I am grieving for her. And for the rest of her family. And your boys. Praying for your strength - as a mama and a friend. May God's grace and comfort shine through you on them.

    And that email I sent you the other day re: the church? I wish I could unsend it now. Because comparatively, it's ridiculous. RI-DI-CULOUS.

    Praying for you & love you, sweet friend. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for your friend or your sons.

  9. God bless you all as you work though the sorrow. The tough times, the pain, the hurts, the tears, the good-byes... without them we would not know or appreciate the depth of our joy. Perspective ... it's tough. You are all in my prayers.

  10. Welcome back and know that I along with so many others are sorry for the loss of Tate. Your words rang so true my friend and know also that I will be in prayer for yours and Tate's family. God Bless.

  11. A old fb friend posted a quote this morning that I loved. After reading your blog post this morn, I think maybe you will appreciate it as well...

    "Life is like photography. We develop from the negatives"

    So sorry to hear about the loss of this sweet little guy. Heartbreaking.

  12. I wondered.

    Love the quote that Rachelle shared, so true.

  13. Perspective - yep that's it. It's all about perspective. And God has a big plan in that.

    I'm so sorry Sarah. I had talked with Trish about Tate and grieve with you all.

  14. I hadn't heard the news yet. I've been thinking about their family so much lately and it really does put a lot of things into perspective for me.

  15. What a truly wonderful post. I'm so sorry for yours and your family's loss. I'll certainly be keeping you guys in my prayers.

    Kudos to you for getting rid of the filter! And thanks for the reminder to 'get over myself'. I needed to hear that.

  16. The perfect perspective: Christ is all that matters!
    I'm so sorry for the ache and loss--yet incomprehensible joy for a little guy that knows complete and perfect now as He worships His Savior!
    If you'd like to be a guest speaker for my ladies and just come say, "Get over yourself. Quit being ridiculous. Glorify God", I'd hug your neck! It's what I (and the rest) need to hear!
    We will be praying for you!

  17. No filter needed this is perfect and exactly what some people need to hear/realize.

    I'm so sorry for your familys lose, from experiance I think when you loose a Christian friend or a Child the situation is harder for those of us left behind. I'll be praying for your family and Tate's.

  18. Glad there's no filter~ your words are so true!

  19. My tears come for your son. He had to learn at much too young an age that death does not discriminate.

    Love and hugs!

  20. Going quiet can be a very good thing, and so can losing your filter. I'm so sorry for everyone who loves Tate. Grief. It's just SO much. So much. I'm sorry.

  21. I'm so sorry for the family and for your son. Loved your words.

  22. Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry, your post brings a tear to my eye. I'm thinking and praying for your family and Tate's. Don't know what else to say. Love you!

  23. Thank You for being real...in all of life's happenings! And, lately I've been reminded of the same thing...great thought to simply say it out loud...when we or those we love are being ridiculous. Praying for your friends and your family! Sweet blessings!

  24. Words do fail, but may these suffice:
    You're right.
    And, I'm just so sorry.
    Praying breath into the lungs of this grieving family and all those who loved this little man,

  25. so sorry for this family! praying for comfort - also for your son!

  26. I am so sorry for the loss of this little guy. I agree; we so easily forget about eternity and instead allow ourselves to consumed with all sorts of mundanity and inanity. Lord, save us from ourselves! Let us no longer be ridiculous but be faithful witness to the glorious gospel that Jesus saves! He alone is life!

  27. Sarah...I am so sorry to hear about Tate....sometimes it is so hard to understand why this happens to a child. I have 2 friends that have both lost a son. One died of leukemia at 14 after many yrs. of treatment, he was my sons best friend and his mother and I had become close. That was 14 yrs. ago and we have remained friends and she still takes an interest in my son and his family. My other friends son was murdered at 25 yrs. and that was 5 yrs. ago and they have never found who did it. All I can tell you is that both of these friends still WANT to talk about their sons and like to hear all of our memories we have of them. It's so important to keep their memories and spirits alive. My prayers are with Tate's family and your son and family. Just a follower of your blog.

  28. My sister's grandson died of brain cancer at age 4. It's almost impossible to express in words the feelings that we felt at that time. My niece went on to have two more babies which helped bring joy back to life again.
    I know what you mean about the meaningless whining that people do..
    Best wishes. Linda

  29. Sarah, several years ago when my son was going into 6th grad (he is now a freshmen in college) he lost a buddy in a terrible accident. Through his buddies death my life changed, what I viewed as important was no longer an issue, things became just that things, and I cleared my life of clutter, inside myself and outside so I could focus on what truly was important, my family, friends and sharing hope with those who have none. Unfortunately his buddies family aren't believers and that made dealing with his death even tougher and more heartbreaking. It was a tough road to travel, I'm making it and am realizing its a day at a time, sometimes a moment! praying for you, your family and especially Tates. . . that God grants them peace and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead as they try and figure out how and what life will look like and be like without their precious boy. I can't even imagine, so I just pray, God knows.. . . and He's all I have.

  30. I am often the same when it comes to grieving...I need time and quiet and space. I wait for Him to fill the empty and He always, always does.

    Sin will make your heart focus on and whine about the ridiculous. I am so so guilty of that....and so want to be rid of it.

    Hugs and prayers for you and your dear friends.


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