Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Where'd the Fear Come From?!?


  • Eli is back to school
  • I am feeling better!
  • A lovely friend called and volunteered to take Jake today, God bless her.
  • I always want a quiet house...and then when it's quiet, guess what I do...miss them. Good grief. I am going to be a terrible empty-nester I think.

Here's me thinking out loud today...

So, I may have mentioned before that I am a bit of a control freak.

I wish I wasn't...but I am.

I also mentioned before that there is one particular life-changing decision that I'm trying to give up control of. It is not particularly enjoyable, the process of letting go.

Part of the problem is...that I'm not quite sure which decision is actually the one that relinquishes control.

The other part of the problem is that I can't shut-up the inner dialogue in my head that keeps making pro and con lists...aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Really, as I type this, I'm thinking what would I tell someone in my particular predicament... (because I like telling other people how to obey ;)

So, if I were going to Dr. Phil myself, I would say...

  • play out the "what-if" game to completion.
  • How's that working for you?

And then I wonder...where is this fear coming from? The fear of something happening that I think I'm not ready for...after all, I can name a million things that have happened in my little life that I was pretty sure I couldn't handle...and it turns out, they're some of the biggest blessings.

You all know why...His strength, His leading, His plan. How can I look back at all of that and have any doubts of who is in control? What am I so scared of? When did this fear creep in?

It needs to go.

I wish I could share details with you. I wish I could put a little poll box at the top of my blog and ya'll could just cast a vote and then I would just do what you you ever get to that point? Where you wear yourself out thinking about something and end up just wanting someone to tell you what you should do?!?

It's been my prayer for awhile now...God, just tell me what to do...and then I sit back and pout because it isn't "clear" enough. Truth is...He's been crystal clear...I just seem to keep clouding it up with my pro/con list. Dang lists.

Ya know what...through all this rambling, I've found some clarity.

I know what He wants...and I know that it may not be my first choice, but I trust Him.

I'm gonna trust Him, and walk through the fear.

And if I start to waiver (which I totally will), and revert back to my pro/con list in some upcoming post, it's your duty bloggy friends to remind me to walk in faith and not fear ;)


  1. Glad you are feeling better! I've got a few control issues myself (in fact that's what my next post is about) Trusting God is a daily thing and some days I do better than others. I'll be praying for you! Remember Ps. 37:23 -The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,And He delights in his way.

  2. Sometimes, ok, a lot of times but anywhooo, when I feel myself sleeping back into wanting to control, I just keeping repeating (in my mind or sometimes out loud), "I trust you, I trust you" over and over and over! It really helps me!

    Love ya! Glad you're feeling better!

  3. Glad your house is starting to get back to normal, health-wise!

    I'll definitely lift you up in my prayers. It's hard to step out in faith in something, especially when that something isn't our "first choice." Just take comfort (I know you already are!) in the fact that He has your best interest at heart and all things work for good for them that love Him. Sounds like you are doing a good job bringing your fear before Him.

    Your blog blesses my life, I just thought you should know. Thanks for sharing so openly.

  4. so, we're kinda like "blogability" partners.... okay, very cheesy pun of accountability!

    i tend to also have a control issue and seeing my will is sometimes way easier than obeying God. i'll be praying for your obedience!

    and beautifully said, btw!

  5. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." isaiah 26:3

    and i'm saying that one to myself today as well!

  6. okay, I am done playing the "wonder what decision she is talking about" game and ready to just say that "fear" is healthy as long as it doesn't stop are choosing to walk thru it.... that is all He wants. He wants your actions to defy your fears, they are real... and maybe rather valid.. I am thinking... wow, how can I teach my boys to do this..?? Walk thru fear.....hmmm...

  7. been there. done that. won't be the last time.

    i'm praying for you, sister!!

  8. When I find myself fearful, it helps me to remember that it's not God's Spirit who brings fear. Therefore, it IS a spiritual battle, and I send myself back to Ephesians 6.
    Praying for freedom!

  9. I think all of us come to that moment in life where we know what God wants, but we aren't quite sure we are ready to obey. Do not fear, bloggy friend. He knows what he is doing.

  10. Isn't it funny how when we talk things out...or just "ramble", as you said, on the blog...things sometimes become a little clearer?

    Praying that as you walk through the fear, His presence will be so real to you.

  11. Oh, I hear you. Struggling with a decision myself. I think I know what the right one is, but my husband doesn't agree. Now what are you supposed to do with THAT?!

    Praying you have the courage to do what God is calling you to do. You know, you can still be scared and obedient. And then once He shows you it isn't at all what you thought it would be, you can have a good laugh!

  12. Isaiah 26:3
    Psalm 46:10
    . . .although that kinda’ negates the “ramble. . .”
    And you do that so well. [Said with sweet smile.]

    In asking bloggy friends to hold you accountable, you may have just put yourself in the spotlight!

    If we are true believers and allow His Spirit to guide us, our choices only give Him a (sometimes big) variety of circumstances to work with. God is in control!

  13. Sometimes it is so difficult to give up control, even when it's driving us insane to keep it.
    Why is it so hard to just let go and let God?
    I feel your pain, honestly...

  14. Glad you're feeling better! I have missed reading your blog. We're still without power after Ike, and running on generator so I have to ration my internet time. But reading you is *so* worth listening to the generator! (OK, to be perfectly honest, I got my husband to run the generator so we'd have lights, water, and fans.) But I'll sneak in a little internet time too!

  15. Sarah - Welcome to the "Control Freaks R Us" group. I too am a member. In fact, I think I may be President.

    Lately, when things go wonkey, I just start singing (read caterwalling), 'God Is In Control' over and over. Our dogs and cats are beginning to look at me funny. Go figure!

    Walk in faith girl. PS: Glad y'all are back in the saddle.

  16. I'm late to the party here, Sarah. But I couldn't help but say: Believe God, girlfriend. Fear just means He's got something good for you on the other side of this decision. Praying for you.

  17. "God, just tell me what to do...and then I sit back and pout because it isn't "clear" enough. Truth is...He's been crystal clear...I just seem to keep clouding it up with my pro/con list. Dang lists."

    ...Ouch. These are familiar shoes. Praying for you, girl, for the courage to take the "next step" whatever that might be.

    Blessings to you, my friend...
    Tracy = )


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