Monday, May 4, 2009

My Three Year Old Self...

Jake's been running a fever since Saturday night.  In the wee hours of Saturday morning I began preparing myself for a no-church Sunday.

I don't like those very much.

I don't like being cooped up with a sick child, who tends to be extra demanding and even more difficult to reason with.  Oh, I love him to death.  And I would sit with him day in and day out if need'd also likely find me cowering in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth while sucking my thumb.  I'm just saying...

Anyways,  the kid looked miserable.  We're talking fever, flushed cheeks, dark circles, limp body...the whole nine yards.  None of this mattered to him.  All he knew was that he wanted more than anything to go to Sunday School.    He was insistent.  He stood in the mud room in his jammies and shoes pleading relentlessly for me to just let him go.

It's days like this that living in the parsonage right next to the church is NOT  exactly helpful.  He could hear everyone coming.  He could see the kids playing outside.  He stood at the window with tears streaming down his face...breakin' his mama's heart.

It blesses me to know he loves Sunday School so much.  I love that he wanted so desperately to be there.  I also knew all the valid reasons why he would need to sit this Sunday out.  Not only was he completely not up to it physically, he'd likely infect all the other little ones with his sickness.  And we all know what that cycle looks like in a little church.

As I watched him, in all his 3 year old stubbornness, I smiled because I knew his intentions were good.  Where and what Jake wanted was not the issue.  It was his condition that needed to change before he could go.  

I saw myself in him.  I saw myself standing in my mud room,  before my Heavenly Father, pleading my case on whatever it was (at the time) that I was convinced I was ready for.  Completely oblivious to my own physical, spiritual and emotional condition.   It was not pretty.

Just as I told Jake no, not this Sunday.  My Heavenly Father is saying, no...not yet.  He doesn't mean no, never...just not yet.  

And like my three year old, I eventually see that my will, no matter how big it is, is no match for the parent. 

Time to stop pleading and convincing God of something that He already knows I'm just not ready for.  Instead, I want to allow Him to show me what needs to change, what needs to be healed first, before He can allow me to move forward.  


  1. What a beautiful post... and something we all need to be reminded of now and then. Thanks for posting!
    And I hope Jake feels better very soon so he can join his buddies in Sunday school next weekend! :)

  2. Sarah,what a beautiful post.Such a blessing to me.I really needed that today.Please keep me in your prayers.Love in Christ, Faye

  3. well spoken, sarah. really. hope your baby boy is feeling much better today. (((hugs)))

  4. I really liked this post. Actually, I really like all of your post. I have been reading for awhile, but I don't think that I have ever commented before. Today I am doing a little blog tour and stopping to say hey to everyone.

    Thanks so much for your blog. I really enjoy it!

    Hope your little boy is better soon!

  5. Good stuff...I'm encouraged. :) Thanks! :)

  6. You know, I think I'm finally getting to a place where God is allowing me to have some things I'd been begging for. There was a LOT of work (and healing) that needed to go on between the asking and the granting. So, I totally get this post.

    I hope your sweet boy is better, and that He will make His plan clear to you.

  7. Thanks Sarah! This was quite a gentle message and reminder for me. I keep asking the Lord for something that I think I am ready for, yet He knows that I am not ready for it, physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. I am that child, tears streaming. This was a great analogy.

  8. I love me a parenting/God analogy. And this was a very good one. So many times I look back on my life and realize, "oh yeah, I didn't get that because I wasn't mature enough to handle it." Even good things can be that way, of course. Great post, lady.

  9. that is good stuff! and true...and so on....hope he feels better!! SEE YOU SATURDAY!!!!!!!

  10. Good stuff. Just talked with a friend about pretty much this exactly. God needing to do a work in us before he aswers certain prayers.

  11. I hate waiting. I'm that child too, only with my arms crossed, tapping my foot. Eventually I realize my attitude is not going to change anything. Just wait darn it.

  12. I have to say. I am terrible at commenting. I just come in and read what you have wrote, and then I go back out again.
    I don't understand how you always can comment mine, and I rarely yours, even though I read your everytime you write in it.

    Bad Julie, Bad!

  13. P.S (If you can say that in English)
    Loved the post:)

  14. Got me thinking & praying today ... thank you!

  15. What a great post! I hope he feels better soon!

  16. Poor guy...sounds like my #2...I found out one night as she was hanging her head in the toilet that she had actually thrown up twice at school (which also happens to be my school) and hadn't told anyone because she knew she would have to go home.

    Hope everyone is healthy soon and that he doesn't feel compelled to share 'this' with his brothers.

  17. Wow! This was a great post. Very relevant to me right now. I think when you get my next email, you'll see that line, "No, not yet" is resonating loud and clear!

    So interesting that you would choose those exact words...

  18. Amen and amen.

    I love a good analogy. They speak to me.

    And I needed this one.

  19. i've been "lurking" your blog for a while...something about "you" kept bringing me back! :) this is my first comment.

    your ability to be real & both refreshing and inspiring.

    wanted to tell you...thank you for inspiring.

  20. Oh girl, this is true of myself as well!

    Hope your little guy is feeling better.

  21. What a great analogy!

    Hope your little one if feeling better soon. Poor boy!

  22. Ouch. This one stings a little bit. Thank you for sharing that so beautifully.

    (We've had the same sickness going through our house for the last couple weeks. It seems that it never ends.)

  23. I'm forever pleading with God trying to convince him of all kinds of things. This is a good story to drive home this moral- thanks!


Thanks for commenting, you make blogging fun. :) If your comment doesn't appear right away, it's because it's awaiting moderation, but it will show up soon!

Web Hosting Pages