The Bald Buddies

The Bald Buddies

When I think back to when I was a kid, there are certain events that just stick. Occasions that I'll always remember. Saturday night, after their flag football game will be one of those moments for my boys.

When we moved to tiny town four years ago, Tate (red shirt, 2nd from right)was one of the first friends Noah made. To meet Tate is to love him, it's pretty much that simple. This Summer Tate found out that he has Hodgkin's Lymphoma stage 3. The fight is on. As the boys learned about Chemo, and why it was necessary to make Tate better, they learned that it was likely Tate would lose his hair. Without batting an eye, the boys were certain they should shave their heads too so that Tate didn't have to do it alone.

Kids are amazing little creatures. As I heard of Tate's diagnosis, my first thought was how unfair it was. I wrestle with the reality of it, almost unable to wrap my head around it, yet those boys...they just knew they needed to join him, to let him know he's not in it alone.

And that's what they did.

Ben shaved the heads of eight little boys Saturday night. It was a night filled with laughter...I'm pretty sure all of tiny town heard us. It's a night none of us will forget.

This morning, as my bald headed little boys hurried to find stocking hats to cover their cold heads, I smiled, wishing I could be in the classroom today as those bald headed little guys arrived, smiling about the way they now feel bonded together. Bald Buddies.

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If These Walls Could Talk

It has been quite the week here in the parsonage. One of those weeks where I think to myself...if these walls could talk.

Actually, I think Sunday night those walls were trying to give me a heads-up. I filled the bathtub to take a bath, and that's when the water began seeping though the bathroom floor/kitchen ceiling, raining through the ceiling fan light fixture. We surely aren't the first to get that lovely experience in this parsonage.

Many of the pastors and their families that have ministered here in our church over the past 152 years of its existence have lived within these walls. They likely knew what I am currently learning; that ministering to people is much like parenting your children. They can bring you the greatest joy or the deepest pain. Either way, they drive you to your knees before The One you truly serve, with tears of joy or tears of pain.

For me, there's a sense of comfort within these walls, a sanctuary of sorts. Not only because it's home, but because I know that God sustained those in ministry before us, some through the same trials and joys of life ...and some through much, much tougher ones. He will see us through just the same.

I've learned something about myself this week. There are trials and circumstances in my life that feel like mountains. Huge mountains. I tend to wander around at the base of those mountains...pacing. Viewing them as permanent fixtures, because after all, they're mountains. That view, leads me to pray that God would be with me, sustain me...which is fine...but what if, what if they're not meant to be permanent. What if God is just waiting for me to exercise some faith in who I say He is, in what I know He's capable of. What if I believe He is the God who does the impossible? What if those mountains are meant to be moved?

Time to stop pacing at the foot of the mountain. Time to start standing on the truth of His Word that has never failed me, not once.

...Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20-21

And when He does it, may the first words out of my mouth be glory and honor to Him.

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Enjoy the Ride

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I went to an amusement park with my best friend and her mom. They tried desperately to get me to ride the small 4-person roller coaster. It looked ridiculously dangerous to me, and I was content being the wuss who wouldn't ride the coaster. Big deal. Eventually they somehow talked me into it. They promised I just had to do it once. And I did. Turned out...I loved it. They knew I would, if I'd just agree to get on the ride.

I feel like....God has picked me up with His huge arms and placed my body onto the seat of a giant roller coaster. He fastened the safety bar and assured me He's along for the ride and I will survive. I may get scared, and I may feel like barfing occasionally from the fear, but I will indeed survive.

There's two ways I can look at this ride He's placed me on. I can resist enjoying it. I can cover my eyes and scream in fear. I can resent the fact He put me on this particular ride in the first place...wishing he'd chosen a calmer one...that was boring and safe. I can live in fear of what the next hill, or loop or downward spiral is going to look like. I can endure it till it's finally over.

Or...

I can be thrilled that He chose such a crazy, exciting ride for me. I can enjoy the fact that I have no control over where the ride is going...what hill, drop or loop is next...I can find it exciting. I can rest in knowing that although it might be scary sometimes, it's also thrilling...because I'm safe. The safety bar is secure. I can throw my hands in the air and scream with joy. I can laugh.

There are many, MANY times where I find myself resisting the ride. Trying desperately to undo the safety harness and make someone stop the roller coaster. God has spoken some clear truths to my heart lately. I can fight all I want to in order to get off the ride...but I'm not getting off. I can embrace it, or I can resent it, but I don't get to choose a different ride.

And it turns out...I really kinda like this crazy ride. I just need an occasional kick in the butt reminding of it.:)

*image courtesy of www.ultimaterollercoaster.com*

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Breaking the Pattern...

There's a pattern here....

The more I run...the more I want to run.

The less I run...the less I want to run.

The more caffeine I consume...the more I want.

The less I consume...well, let's face it the raging headache wants it, but eventually I don't crave it.

The more sugar I consume....the more I need it.

The less sugar...the less the cravings.

The more pop I buy...the more I find myself heading to the fridge for another.

The less pop I buy....the less I drink.

The more I shop...the more I feel dissatisfied with what is in my closet.

The more I stay away from the mall....the cuter my closet seems.

The more I'm in God's Word...the more I feel I need it, the more I want it.

The less I'm in God's Word....the less I think I need it...and the Sarah who I don't particularly care for, emerges.

The more I love others...the more my selfishness diminishes.

The less I love others....the more the me-monster emerges.

Catching a pattern here? Other than the pattern that I have an addictive personality? *smile*

I've been reading through the book of 1 John in the Bible (thanks to my hubby.) It's a short 5 chapter book. Don't let its size fool you...it packs a punch. I have some internal bruises to prove it. The above list surfaced in my heart after reading it...I can't explain the connection exactly, but I know that God's not gonna let me run from it until I really, really get it.

I may be in 1 John awhile...

And...for your viewing pleasure (and because I have the uncanny ability to think of a DC Talk song for just about every subject) I give you one of my all time favorites which happens to also be a big theme of 1 John.

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What I Haven't Said...

Sometimes, after I take a look back through what I've written over a week or so time period I cringe. Not because of anything I've said (no matter how redundant:) but about what I haven't said.

And a lot of what I haven't said, is the stuff that is most important to me...and it has to deal with my relationship to Christ.

Words fail me often. And I find that if I can't come up with the right words to adequately explain it...I don't. And sometimes, what he's teaching me...well, it's tough. Sometimes I'm meant to just sit on it, by myself for awhile. And other times...it's meant to share.

I've mentioned before that (thanks to my friend Heth) I am hooked on podcasts by Matt Chandler at The Village Church. If you need any information about how to listen to podcasts (because you don't have to have an ipod to do this) then click on this handy dandy little linky that explains it all very clearly....did I mention THEY'RE FREE?!? Free is such a nice word...

There is one podcast in particular that I just can't seem to move on from. I have listened to it three times. I wish I could narrow down just why I can't seem to get enough of it...but there's several reasons probably. I'm not gonna try to sum it up, because it's impacted me so much that I don't want to butcher it. But, if you'd like to listen, it's the July 5th sermon called Good Servants, Wicked Servants, and the Enemies of God. Good stuff people, you won't regret the time spent...promise.

If you happen to listen, or have heard it, I'd love love love to discuss :)

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He's Got My Attention.

Friday I blogged that it felt like somone was messing with me.

Turns out...the messing was/is not quite over.

I find that unfortunate.

The rest of the story:

Ben's car is old and on its last leg of life...but it gets him to work and back...and it's paid for...so we heart that '91 Buick. But Saturday, the good 'ol Buick pretty much gave us fair warning that it would like to rest in peace...soon. It's timing on this...not so good.

Meanwhile...two different people in our tiny church suffered small heart attacks, both are ok, but recovery is long...

Sunday evening we were at church and Ben was preaching a particularly great sermon when the tornado sirens went off in tiny town. Our church has no basement. When I heard the deacon announce "everyone to the parsonage basement" I had to laugh...because my 100 year old basement/toy room is, quite frankly, a messy pit. I quickly replayed the conversation I'd had with myself just a couple days prior. It went something like this:

This basement is a pit. I should really pick up all the toys. Nah...the boys will just mess it up again and besides...no one ever sees it.

Famous last words.

So, everyone at church filed down into my basement. And oddly enough...I didn't even really care that they saw the big mess. I have three boys. I have bigger problems to worry about.

Hello. My name is Sarah...and I have a messy basement (and garage.)

The weather cleared enough for all but one family to go home. Pete and his three boys were able to hang out for awhile till the storm passed. Pete's wife is taking a class and working right now, and he shared that it had been a long day and he'd gotten inside and thought to himself that it would really be easier to stay home tonight rather than driving (the half hour) to church. But he figured if it was going to storm, he'd rather be at church than at home.

Ben and I were so thankful he had. God used him to encourage us...when we didn't even realize we needed encouragement. Pete shared some things he was praying about for us and our church...big things...and I laughed.

Remember another Sarah that laughed at God's big plans? Yeah.

Pete said to me, you laugh...but God can do it.

And he is right. God can do it. I never fail to believe that God can do big things. But I so often fail to believe that He will do big things. Because I feel I don't deserve for Him to do such things.

And then He reminds me it's not about being deserving. He's given me above and beyond what I deserve. And at the same time spared me some horrible consequences, that naturally speaking...I totally deserved.

This week has brought me to my knees...in a good way. God's got my attention, and right now I'm almost giddy with anticipation to see what He's got planned.

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Someone's Messing With Me...

It has been a weird week here in the parsonage.

The weather: Weird. It's finally hot and humid, but it's been storming and then nice and then storming...you get the idea.

My children: Monday-Wednesday I could have sworn that something had taken over their little bodies. Thankfully they've returned to normal yesterday and today.

The mower: Demon-possessed. I'm sure of it. I'll spare you the details.

The coffeemaker: Three years ago I ditched my simple Mr. Coffee because I believed I needed something fancier. I did what any reasonable Pastor's wife does...I donated the old one to the church ;) The new one lasted less than a year and broke. So I bought another fancy model...and today, that machine had enough nerve to not brew ANYTHING. And I just cleaned it with smelly vinegar on Monday...how dare it.

I once again did what any reasonable Pastor's wife does who lives 27 steps from the church...I marched over there and "borrowed" my simple old, trusty coffee pot. Because pastors wife needs coffee. Bad.

And it brewed me coffee.

God bless it.

And soon, I will drive to Wal-Mart (again) and purchase a new coffee pot. But this time...I'm buying the cheapest model I can find. No timers, no bells and whistles...just the $9.99 special...which will probably last forever. Maybe.

Anyways, my point originally was...that it's almost as if someone has been messing with me this week. You ever feel like that? Like I keep waiting for someone to pop out from around the corner and say "Ah ha! We were totally messing with you!" Because THAT seems like the only reasonable explanation :)

I give you pictures that will undoubtedly make you feel A: thankful that your children are incapable of making messes this huge or B: thankful that someone else's house looked like this.

You are welcome.

Because it's rained there are puddles...

Guess why he has chocolate around his mouth...

Yeah...

The mudroom...

My Bible has been laid open to Psalm 65 for the past few days. I can't move past it.

Verse 3 says: Our guilt overwhelms us, but you forgive our sins.

The rest of the chapter is good too...but it seems this week I needed to be reminded of that very thing.

I fail. Profusely. I am less than stellar in every area of my life...which leaves a feeling of guilt behind. On weeks like this, it overwhelms...literally.

God brought me back to the very basics of my faith. I am a sinner, saved by His grace. Forgiven...over and over and over again. And through that verse this week, my load of guilt lightened. He picks me back up, brushes me off and places me back on the path He's planned.

I couldn't be more thankful for that.

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My Three Year Old Self...

Jake's been running a fever since Saturday night.  In the wee hours of Saturday morning I began preparing myself for a no-church Sunday.

I don't like those very much.

I don't like being cooped up with a sick child, who tends to be extra demanding and even more difficult to reason with.  Oh, I love him to death.  And I would sit with him day in and day out if need be...you'd also likely find me cowering in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth while sucking my thumb.  I'm just saying...

Anyways,  the kid looked miserable.  We're talking fever, flushed cheeks, dark circles, limp body...the whole nine yards.  None of this mattered to him.  All he knew was that he wanted more than anything to go to Sunday School.    He was insistent.  He stood in the mud room in his jammies and shoes pleading relentlessly for me to just let him go.

It's days like this that living in the parsonage right next to the church is NOT  exactly helpful.  He could hear everyone coming.  He could see the kids playing outside.  He stood at the window with tears streaming down his face...breakin' his mama's heart.

It blesses me to know he loves Sunday School so much.  I love that he wanted so desperately to be there.  I also knew all the valid reasons why he would need to sit this Sunday out.  Not only was he completely not up to it physically, he'd likely infect all the other little ones with his sickness.  And we all know what that cycle looks like in a little church.

As I watched him, in all his 3 year old stubbornness, I smiled because I knew his intentions were good.  Where and what Jake wanted was not the issue.  It was his condition that needed to change before he could go.  

I saw myself in him.  I saw myself standing in my mud room,  before my Heavenly Father, pleading my case on whatever it was (at the time) that I was convinced I was ready for.  Completely oblivious to my own physical, spiritual and emotional condition.   It was not pretty.

Just as I told Jake no, not this Sunday.  My Heavenly Father is saying, no...not yet.  He doesn't mean no, never...just not yet.  

And like my three year old, I eventually see that my will, no matter how big it is, is no match for the parent. 

Time to stop pleading and convincing God of something that He already knows I'm just not ready for.  Instead, I want to allow Him to show me what needs to change, what needs to be healed first, before He can allow me to move forward.  

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Instead of Going Through the Motions

I had trouble with my blog feed yesterday, a super smart bloggy friend told me to delete my RSS button...and she was right! So, if your blog is not being caught by the feed readers, that may be why.

Also, I'm contemplating setting up a running blog so that the topic doesn't over-run this blog, it will be more of an online journal, of training and stuff I'm learning. Any thoughts? 

Lately I've been feeling a lot like I did when I first became a Christian.

There was a insatiable hunger to learn everything I could about my new Savior. I bombarded those around me who had known Him longer, who knew what they were talking about. Experiencing His forgiveness freed me in a way that made anything seem possible. It's as if I caught a glimpse of just how big He is, and I knew He had big plans.

And then regular, everyday life continues...and years go by, and I find myself continually fighting against apathy. Against putting God in a tiny little box. It's a constant battle. Maybe people reach a point of spiritual maturity where they don't battle this....or maybe it's human nature, and battling it is just part of having faith.

What I do know is this: He is bigger than my apathy, and He will not be put in a box. The second I call out to Him, He shows up...shakes my heart up again reminds me of who He is, what He's done.

And right now, I just can't get enough of Him. Learning new things, understanding old things. Standing back, in awe, as He moves in the lives of people around me. He's always doing it...I just miss seeing it sometimes. Not this time.

This song has been blasting through my iPod for the past few days.

No need to explain why.

I don't want my life to be defined as going through the motions. As a wife, a mom, a friend, a believer...heck, even a runner...just OK is not enough...I want His all consuming passion inside of me.

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Bursting...

I'm gonna be away from the computer today...it's a long story, I'll fill you in with boring details later ;)

It is the day, however, that I am supposed to hear back from the Principal of our high-school to see if we can have the only slot left for an exchange student. I've been hanging on for a week...waiting for his reply.

The waiting has made me feel like I might burst from the inside out. Seriously...I'm that bad at waiting for news like this.

Needless to say, God has taken advantage of the waiting and revealed much about who He is.

And He is good.

Whether we get to host this year or not...He is still good.

Happy Weekend friends and I look forward to updating you later!

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It Smarts a Little...Again

Kids...they crack me up...and teach me about myself. I've mentioned before that my own behavior sometimes resembles a 3 year old...apparently I'm maturing. Now it represents that of a 6-7 year old. I call that progress.

The other night when I was sick, I laid in bed listening to Ben put the boys to bed (which he always does, I'm just not usually paying such close attention :).


He was trying to settle something between our two oldest. One had promised the other he'd give him a dollar, and then tried backing out of it. Ben was patiently explaining to him that you do what you said you'd do, even if you change your mind, but the one would NOT give up the dollar. We're talking some serious wailing and gnashing of teeth over a simple dollar.


I hear Ben say, "Trust me, just give him the dollar and it will be fine." You see, the one having such a problem giving over the dollar, had also lost a tooth moments prior to this ordeal. I read Ben's mind...I knew that if the toothless boy would just simply hand over the dollar, Ben would make sure the tooth fairy compensated him for his obedience ;)

But that would be too easy. Our son would not give it up. Instead he tried making a deal with the other brother. He offered him toys, toys that cost WAY more than a dollar, all in hopes of not giving up that precious dollar that he thought meant so much to him.

In the end, the toothless boy handed over the dollar to his brother...and by handed, I mean throwing it at him followed by angry stomps and words under his breath.

Needless to say, the tooth fairy was not feeling too generous after that lovely display.

As I laid in bed in the other room, I thought to myself...give me a break, it's a dumb dollar kid! And then I heard my own words, whispered back to me...and I suddenly saw myself.



How many times do I hold onto silly, insignificant things worth less than a measly dollar. God asks me to hand them over, because I'm His, and I said I would. He has something so much better for me, yet I weep and wail as though they are the most important things, all the while God is patiently waiting for me to hand them over, knowing that He can't give me more until I let go of the little I have.

And when I do finally surrender them...it often, OFTEN looks like that of my toothless son. Throwing them down, stomping off, muttering under my breath how unfair it is, and what a terrible idea it is...not quite the obedience He's asking of me.

Funny how I don't see it that way, until the Holy Spirit whispers my own words back at me...through the actions of my kids.

Working on the surrender thing over here...still working... :)


On another note, but actually not completely unrelated, I have a little favor to ask of all the wonderful people that happen to take the time to read this insignificant little blog...a bloggy friend has set up a special (surprise) project for a family whose story is gut-wrenching...the idea is that you click here and then leave a word of encouragement for them. That's it. (You can also read more about their story as well.) A simple way to let them know they're not alone, that they're being lifted up in prayer...the comments will eventually be printed out for them into a book. Encouraging words, whether in times of pain or joy, either by friends or strangers...bring healing. It's such a simple thing to do...




Thank You!

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Prodigal

Do you ever have days where you're just crabby for no good reason?

That's me today.

I started a bullet point list of all the things that are making me cranky (you know, in attempt to justify it)...turns out, the list just ended up annoying me so I deleted it :)

Turns out, there really is no reason...no really good one anyway. Dang it. It's so much nicer when I can blame my heart condition on some outside circumstance...like the ungodly weather right now...

Truth is...my heart has wandered from it's true source of joy, wisdom, hope...truth...which only comes from one person....my Jesus.

I know this doesn't make sense to some...but when I met him 16 years ago, He gave me a new life.

He replaced anger with joy, and rationality with faith, and selfishness with love. But my heart...it's forever wandering...trying to run back to what it was...because that's easier.

Sometimes I let it. And then become miserable. And then, like a child, I realize where I'm at...and turn back for home.

The prodigal in the story.

But Jesus...always the Father in the story...always.

*The story can be found in Luke chapter 15 verses 11-32*

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Enough

There are many things that I seem to forget quite easily.

Other things I can't seem to let go of.

Seems like many times I forget the things I should remember most, and remember the things that should have been let go.

All of it...and I mean ALLLLL of it boils down to this:

All of Him, is more than enough for, all of me.

Still more awesome than I know...

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Not Logical...

When I was shopping the other day I ran across a bunch of different notepads. My heart skipped a beat...they were adorable...and for a list lover, they were nearly perfect. I flipped through to find just the right one, which took about half a second.

PRO/CON List it read at the top. Which in my head means, "How to make a logical/rational/responsible decision." Man I love a pro/con list, and the idea of being able to buy a little notepad that already had those two words so cutely typed on it made me giddy! (seriously, that's how easy it is)

There is a pro/con list running through my head pretty much all the time. The advantages/disadvantages of everything I encounter. From the itty bitty decisions to the life altering.

As I reached to pick of one two of those little tablets that I was SURE were created JUST for me I heard a faint whisper in my head.



It went something like this: Seriously?!? You have me, The God of the Universe, who knows every second of your life, from before you were born until the day you take your last breath...and then some, and yet you resort to the pro/con list?!? That's really the best you can do?



Oh the Holy Spirit...He gets me every time...speaking truth, straight to my heart, in a language I understand. Reminding me that my humanness...it slays me. Big time.



I put that cute little notepad down...and walked away.



Just last night I had a situation come up that caught me off guard. I immediately began the list...and then stopped. It didn't matter what the list said. It didn't matter that logically the cons outnumbered the pros, I knew in my heart what my decision should be. It should be yes even though the list says no.



God's power and plans shatter my lists...always. My humanness craves logic and reason...tangible evidence. But my heart...it longs for faith. The kind of faith that steps out of the boat, and onto the crashing waves simply because Jesus said to. It doesn't have to make sense to me. In fact, most of the time it makes NO sense to me...because my mind limits Him time and time again.



Today I'm praying for a bigger vision. Bigger expectations for what God is doing...because He's doing them whether I see it or not...and I don't wanna miss it by being an idiot ;)



...also praying He helps me to miraculously stop making those dumb lists in my head...seriously, A MIRACLE!





*on a completely unrelated note: The Twilight series I've been reading has really got me thinking about Heaven...so more on that tomorrow. I know, I know you're wondering how a book about vampires has me thinking about Heaven and so I must remind you that I am in fact a pastor's wife, which gives me the ability to make ANYTHING into a spiritual lesson...it's a gift, what can I say? ;)

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This is Who I Am...

I'm not trying to hide anything, I wear it on my sleeve.

I wear it on my sleeve.

I'm not trying to be something I'm not. This is all I've got.

This is all I've got.

I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel...just trying to be real.

Just trying to be real.

I'm not trying to say, follow me...I'm not the one who leads.

I'm not the one who leads.

Let me introduce myself to you...this is who I am. No more no less.

I am just a man who understands, because of You I'm blessed....no more no less.

I'm not trying to prove anything, it's all about the change. It's all about the change.

Yesterday I felt...weary. It's been a week or so of...stuff...life. I sometimes get bogged down with other people lives...the heaviness and the heartache.

Finally around 7 last night I knew I needed to run on the treadmill...for my sanity. "Running For My Sanity" ...it should be the theme of a 5k....Anyways...

God works through my little Sansa, I kid you not.

One of my all-time favorite songs came on (because I picked it ;)

It's a little one called No More No Less. I relate to the above lyrics in a way that I can't even put into words.

At the end of the song...it says this:

I hope you stare just long enough to see

the heart that's beating here inside of me

beyond all of the things you may think you know, I'm just a kid trying to make it home...that's it.

No more no less.

Lord, I wanna go home. Nothing more and nothing less.

I just wanna go home....nothing more and nothing less.

Let me introduce myself to you...this is who I am...this is who I am.

And I...sobbed...while running. Not pretty, I assure you. But EXACTLY what I needed to be reminded of from my Savior.

He knows that beyond what other roles people see me in...I'm just a kid, His kid, longing to be home...longing for Heaven. Seeking to fulfill the plan He has for me here...but longing for my real home.

I love my life...but I absolutely long for Heaven. And the fact that He spoke to me last night through those verses filled me with peace.

Peace in knowing that He knows the burdens I carry, and He knows I long to be with Him, and He reminded me where my hope lies...and of who I really am.

Have a listen...it's worth it :)

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What I Failed to Mention

Blogging is the best.  Know why?  I can have a terrible awful morning and then blog about it, and ya'll tell me that you too are sometimes terrible and awful.  And *BAM*  I suddenly feel better!

OK, so there was more to it than that...your comments encouragement yesterday completely helped in shoving moving me in the right direction.  The rest of my day was MUCH better...and as you all wisely said, Eli came home completely happy.

Here's what I failed to mention yesterday.  I have been drinking decaf coffee all week (except for one little trip to Starbucks on Tuesday morning.)  Yes, you heard me right.  DECAF.  

I went from drinking 12 cups of regular coffee daily to pretty much...decaf.  This may have been part of the reason I have not been particularly sunshiny this week.

I know what you're thinking.  Why?  WHY?  

So here it is.

It's like a drug addict (and yes technically caffeine is a drug, but lets not talk about that;)  To get a fix, I needed to drink an insane amount of coffee...and still I didn't feel very peppy.  When you can drink a Venti Caramel Macchiato and then lay down and take a nap...that's probably not normal.

I've weaned myself off and today I'm feeling like I'm coming out of the haze a little...I'm pretty sure there's a term for that that I can't come up with right now...watching celebrity rehab has apparently failed me.

Anyways, I'm not breaking up with caffeine.  Just putting a little space between us so that when I do need a good "buzz"  *snickering*  then I can get one.

...and now I'm thinking of all the ways I'm gonna get "googled" from this post ;)

Good times.

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Sometimes I Annoy Myself

*updated with fixed links...because blogger hates me*

Mondays...what a day.

It seems I spend most Mondays just catching up. Catching up on the cleaning, and the laundry and all kinds of miscellaneous stuff.

So I figure I'll "catch you up" on some stuff too...since it's Monday and all.

Remember this post? Well I mentioned the lunch account stuff...so I added money to their account that day through the online payschool thingy and then forgot about it...until Friday when I unloaded Eli's backpack and found another note that said my children were now $35 in the hole...somehow the money I added never got credited to their lunch account.

I sorta stewed about it all weekend, then went into the school first thing this morning to try to get it figured out. Turns out, no one knows what's going on for sure...and I think I've annoyed both of the school offices in our district with my phone calls.

Now that I've completely bored you with all those details, I may actually get to my point...which is: This circumstance is really, REALLY not that big of a deal. Which causes me to ask myself, "Dude, what is your deal?!?" (I still use the word dude...can't help myself)

Why, WHY is this bothering me so much? And then I gave myself a list:

• It makes me look like a bad mother who is neglecting her kids...and I'm NOT! I put the money in there!
• I picture my poor little boys being told they have no money to eat...and being offered a PB&J because their mom has....neglected them.
• It annoys me.

See a theme here? Me me me me me me me. *sigh* Pathetic. Completely pathetic...and sad...and disgusting :) Get my drift?

God used me today to teach myself a lesson...and it has to do with my ginormous need for the next Bible Study I'll be starting shortly.

In that same post I mentioned the need for Beth Moore DVDs...and if you go back and read through the comments, you'll find one from The Domestic Fringe offering to send me them. And guess what? SHE DID!!!

The Fringe girl and I...we're newer bloggy friends, and without hesitation, she offered those (expensive) DVDs to a fellow sister in Christ...and I did what I do...I cried.

I wanna be like her. Guess what the Beth Moore study is called? Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit.

Guess who might need to start living beyond themselves? Guess who needs a little lot more of the Holy Spirits power in her life?

Yeah...that'd be me. And probably a few others too. Maybe. :)

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I Will Learn...

I have to tell you. Your comments yesterday cracked me up. Hearing about stuff you've done to injure yourself totally made me feel better ;)



You're the best. For real.



My lovely Chiropractor (whom I only visit when I am in a state of debilitation) cracked and twisted and aligned me again. She said by Monday I should feel fine, because youth is on my side.



I wish youth were a little more aware that they should me MORE on my side, because frankly, I still hurt.



My expectations may have been a little high...I wanted to feel completely better immediately. Doesn't work that way. Dang it.



I am, however, taking the maximum dosage of Ibuprofen that the human body can handle ;) Oh I kid...kinda.



The pain has slowed me down and I figured about a few things:

1. I'm a tad bit crabby when in pain.


2. I do not like being made by my body to sit and rest.


3. I've been complaining a lot about running lately...and after the past couple days, I realized that the ability to run is a gift. The ability to live life without pain is a gift. Time to change my thinking.


4. Back pain is not fun, and now everyone who has it has my complete and utter sympathy.


5. No more gymnastics for me. Ever again.

Makes me think of a little song I happen to love... :) Some people gotta learn the hard way...

Happy Saturday!

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I Make it Difficult...

Have you ever been absolutely positively certain about something? I mean really thoroughly convinced of what you feel, certain that your feeling won't change?



I have.



And I've had those very same feelings change, in the blink of an eye...which always tends to feel a tad bit disturbing at the time.



I know, deep in my heart that God knows the desires of my heart better than me. He's proved this over and OVER about a zillion times in my 30 years of existence.



Why then, do I go about life, trying to push my own agenda? Trying to convince Him of what I truly want, sometimes feeling like He's gonna make me do something I don't want to do and I'll be totally miserable?



It makes no sense...it's gotta stop.



I mentioned yesterday that God is ever so gently showing me areas in my life that I have maintained control of...haven't quite handed over to him...or handed over and then snatched right back.



I'm good at that. Hanging onto something till I realize I've completely messed it up or I'm completely unsure of what I want...then go before Him, begging for His wisdom and direction, and then getting discouraged when He doesn't immediately tell me what I should do.



I realized this week that He doesn't immediately tell me what to do, because I'm not even in a place to be able to hear Him.



How do I get to that place? It's a question I ask all the time...it's a question I was asked this week.



The answer is simple but I don't often like it.



Obedience.



His way...trusting Him, taking those hard steps of faith that are sometimes so very scary. Out of the boat and onto the crashing waves, so to speak. Sometimes the steps are so very basic that we ignore them...thinking they're too simple, wanting to just jump ahead.



I generally want Him give me some sort of assurance that this is gonna work out for me...that whatever the step of faith it would feel easy. But that is not required of Him...He owes me no guarantee, except that He will be with me, and that I am required to obey if I want His blessing on my life. And, I have the absolute guarantee that He knows more than I do.



So, today...if you're feeling His nudging in some area of your life, but you're resisting...you're not alone. And, if you're choosing to obey, and are still scared outta your mind...still not alone. And if you're resting on the assurance that it's ok to be scared, but trusting He's got a plan...not alone. I'm with ya on all of it.

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I'm Usually In the Way...

The Lord is pushing me out of my comfort zone on something.

Way WAY out of my comfort zone...so far so that when I turn around and look back I can't even find my beloved comfort zone.

But...I'm gonna trust Him...and try not to get in the way.

And there's the problem...me...my way.

I want it to be His way...whatever that may be.

So I'm letting go.

And that is a little scary :)

That's all I can share for now...but if God's shoving you out of your comfort zone, I'd be happy to know I'm in good company ;)

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