Annoyed

I can't seem to shake that annoyed feeling. Little things, big things, frankly it doesn't matter, it's likely to annoy me right about now.

I'd like to blame it on my hormones. Or the weather. But likely it's just my attitude...my outlook...my perspective. It's skewed, I know that. Yet, for today, it's not stopping me from basking in my annoyedness.

Aren't you glad you stopped by?

Things That Annoy Me for Today:

• Feeling huge. Uncomfortable. The fact that I had to take my wedding ring off because it was just uncomfortable on my sausage-looking hands.
• Doing routine house-work is now a daunting task with this figure.
• And speaking of "figure"...I went to Target the other day and I am not even kidding when I tell you that everyone stared at my belly as I walked by. I wanted to say to each. and. every. one. HAVEN'T YOU SEEN A PREGNANT LADY BEFORE?!?!? SHEEESH.
• The feeling that I'm trapped in someones else's body.
• People in my household not picking up after themselves...and certainly not lifting a finger to pick up anything left by someone else. Heaven forbid.
• Commercials.
• Filing taxes. Mainly, paying in more money to the state of Iowa. Very annoying.
• Whining. Crying. Ironic, no?

Oh, I have plenty of stuff that is not annoying me. An abundance of stuff I'm thankful for...and love desperately.

But some stuff....grrrrrr.

And one more thing...don't go leaving me a comment telling me how sorry you are that I am so annoyed. Then I will be forced to be annoyed with your comment. *wink* Instead, let's share things that are currently annoying you. Because isn't there a Bible verse about being annoyed with those who are annoyed? Or something like that... *cough*

Post written while inserting-tongue-into-cheek

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It's the Little Things...

It happens occasionally...I awaken from a deep sleep with an overwhelming sense of fear and hoplessness. It usually involves those life circumstances that I struggle to hand over, to relinquish to my Savior...to believe He can do anything in.

It's a spiritual battle. I know it is. The Bible tells me it is.

Last night it happened again. And I found myself praying fervently, in the darkness. Replacing fears with truth. Truth that nothing, nothing is too big for God to handle. No circumstance, relationship, financial situation, etc is beyond His reach. And in the darkness, as I claimed those truths (for the millionth time) His peace replaced the chest crushing hopelessness...and sleep came quickly.

But the battle doesn't end. I awoke early to...

• My husband letting me know the furnace had stopped working sometime in the middle of the night, he'd talked to a good friend and something must be wrong with the gas line. Ben heads off to work.
• I wake up and find that school has a 2 hour delay because of fog (also learn that it's the 6th day in a row without sunshine)
• Call the gas company and they send someone out.
• Teenager comes down stairs ready for school, not knowing that it's a late start. Not happy.
• Two day care kiddos arrive.
• Gas guy comes...gas is not the problem.
• Call friend who can fix the furnace.
• A dear friend calls, a tragic situation has happened in her family that lives far away. My heart hurts for her...
• Load 5 kids up in order to take 2 to school. Buckle everyone in. Gripe under my breath about the cold.
• On the way to school, someone drives right through the yield sign without ever looking...it wasn't super close, but close enough to make my heart pound.
• Get back home unload 2 preschoolers and a 7 month old. Walk into the house to have teenager tell me their ride to school over slept. Load preschoolers and baby back in the van, pick up teenagers friend, and take to highschool.
• Someone calls and needs a babysitter, I say no...which makes me feel bad for not helping.
• Friend comes and takes 5 minutes and furnace is fixed.
• Feed kids lunch, delay nap of 7 month old because...
• in 30 minutes I would need to load 3 kids up again to take one to preschool.
• My head hurts, my back hurts, my pregnant self is tired, my patience is tested...

But in reality, this is an average ordinary day. Sure, some stuff's been a little extra annoying...but nothing too far from the average day. It's life.

And then the realization hits me. It's not the big life-altering situations that bring me to my breaking point.

It's the tiny little ones. The every-day-ordinary ones. The freezing weather, the dishwasher not getting loaded/unloaded, whining, piles, my cell phone that never stops ringing, on and on and on. Nothing significant...until you put it all together.

I know what I should do. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Knowing is generally not the problem for me...it's the doing.

Looking at the daily craziness of life as a blessing, rather than a huge pain. Some days it's easier to do that...but I want to get to the point where I choose quickly to see the "inconveniences" of life as opportunities instead.

I'm a long way from that point. God has some work to do...I have some yielding to do.

How about you? What brings you to your breaking point?

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Boring

Funny thing about blogging...lots of thoughts in my head equals zero posts.

Probably because all of the thoughts have beginnings, but haven't been totally worked through yet.

And the other thoughts...too boring or random to blog...even for me...yet I'll do it anyway.

• Took the boys bowling for the first time. I know! They'd never been bowling. We're terrible parents. Happy to report I won both games. Turns out I bowl better with a preggo belly. The bad news: I'm still totally sore from it. Sore from bowling...good grief.
• Started and finished (in the same day) Ted Dekkar and Frank Perreti's book House. Weird. Very weird. Turns out, a friend told me it's his worst one...so (at her recommendation) I'm going to read Black next.
• My kids were supposed to have their yearly dental check up last fall. We never made it. Now, with all my prenatal appointments and juggling everyone's schedules already driving me crazy, I've decided to wait until summer to take them to the dentist. Maybe that makes me a bad parent. Oh well...at least they've been bowling now.
• I hate winter in Iowa this year. I do. I've tried to look at the positive side of it, and well...I just can't find one. I think I need some more vitamin D.
• I ran 1.8 miles on the treadmill the other day. It wasn't actually running, more like walking with a hop, but I'm totally counting it. The boys just stood and watched me for a few minutes, because the sight of it caught them by surprise. The sight of their pregnant mama in running gear was a little shocking to their systems.
• Odie smells like rot. I'm not even kidding. He desperately needs a bath...and I desperately wish I was not the one who had to give it to him.
• Wishing will not make him smell better...I've tried.

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My Ideal...

There are two of me. Sort of.

There's ideal Sarah and real Sarah.

Each night as real Sarah crawls into bed she plans what ideal Sarah is going to do differently tomorrow.

Ideal Sarah is going to get her butt out of bed at 5:30 AM (and she'll be happy about it) and she'll immediately get on the treadmill for 45 minutes. When she's done, she'll start the coffee pot (which is not still filled with old coffee from yesterday because ideal Sarah cleans up everything before she goes to bed) and then she'll head up to take a shower and get herself ready for the day. Ideal Sarah even picks out something cute to wear with accessories.

She then heads downstairs while all her boys are still sleeping. She pours herself a cup of coffee and grabs a seat on the couch to spend some time with her Savior, because ideal Sarah never forgets how much she needs Him.

When she's finished, she starts making a breakfast that does not consist of the options of cereal, oatmeal or toast. Ideal Sarah does not raise her voice when she has to tell her children for the 500th time that morning to get themselves ready. She doesn't forget to send the lunch money check and she certainly gets them to school with lots of time to spare.

Ideal Sarah always appreciates that she gets to be a stay at home mom. She never wastes time on trivial things, but goes about her day efficiently completing all that needs to be done.

She plans meals. Enjoys working on homework with her children and at the end of the night, she always takes her make-up off, brushes and flosses before ever thinking of crawling into bed. She's never too tired. Did I mention she also never throws stuff off the bed onto the floor?

Real Sarah despises ideal Sarah. Because even though ideal Sarah does not exist, real Sarah still wants her too...for some reason.

PS - Ideal Sarah also never buys a pound of crab salad and finishes it herself. She would never do that.

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Details...

I should give you a Julie update. She's doing really great. Is that enough information? Her grades are excellent, she's easy to have around, and has put up with my mood swings amazingly well. Sometime soon I'll have her do a guest post on her thoughts of living here. It's sure to entertain. ;)

Julie traveled with friends to an apple orchard last weekend. Along the way they found a little store in a little town that sold Norwegian stuff. She brought back this mug for us. It says:

Living with a Norwegian Builds Character

It makes me smile. Now, if I could only find one for her that says:

Living with a Pregnant American Host Mom Builds Character

Poor girl. I think my nausea and laying around for the past couple months may have scared her away from ever wanting children. I think it's best that come April, she stays out of the delivery room. ;)

Last winter when we were contemplating hosting a foreign exchange student I remember joking with my Bible Study ladies that I'd probably end up getting pregnant AND hosting a student...because that would of course be INSANE. At the time I was completely joking. Because God certainly would not do that to me.

Or maybe He would. And maybe just to show me who's in charge of it all, He'd set up the fact that baby #4's due date would be the birthday of the Norwegian girl He'd ordained to live with us. None of it is by accident.

Because God is big on details.

PS - Remember when you all voted for the Iowa hospital to win a chance at a new game room? Well, they ended up in 2nd place so THEY WERE ONE OF THE WINNERS!! YAY! Thanks for voting!

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A Favor and A Reward

I have a tiny little favor to ask of all you nice people.

Remember The Bald Buddies? Who could forget right?

There's a chance for you to join in The Bald Buddies, and you won't even have to shave your head!

Noah & Tate: Self Portrait

The hospital that is treating Tate is called the University of Iowa Children's Hospital. There is currently a voting contest going on and the top 3 hospitals that win receive a game room for the kids. Tate's hospital is currently in 4th...SO CLOSE! Tate and his family, along with so many others spend a lot of time away from home and within the walls of this hospital. Who couldn't use a game room?!? :)

Plus, every time you vote your email in entered into a contest to win an XBox 360. Bonus.

The contest is in the final days so there's no time to waste. Click here to vote for the University of Iowa Children's Hospital.

Yesterday Tate and his family found out that the results of his latest MRI showed a decrease in the masses that they are treating, which means the Chemo plan is working and they'll stay the course. Praise God!! Praying healing for this sweet little guy's body, and peace and strength for him and his family.

Tate's mom, who is also a good friend of mine, has this quote on her facebook.

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow is a mystery

Today is a gift.

How true. How easily I forget that.

If you happen to go vote, please leave me a comment letting me know you did (honor system here) and your name will be entered for a $5 Starbucks card! Yeah baby.

Is that bribing?!? Of course not! It's encouraging.

Now go vote.

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Nailed It

Sometimes I come across another bloggers post and think to myself...Dang, they nailed it.

Go visit my friend, who is also named Sarah (seriously, there's millions of us) and you'll know what I mean.

Good stuff. Hard stuff. True Stuff.

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Life

Life in the Parsonage...

• Ben's car started on fire as he pulled up in front of our house last night. We had to use the fire extinguisher from the kitchen. I am not even kidding.
• School has been an adjustment for all of us this year. Mainly, the "going to bed very early so that all of us can function the next day"...it's tricky after late Summer nights and lazy Summer mornings. I miss you Summer.
• But I do love cool crisp mornings and evenings...especially for running. Bring it on.
• Julie is doing well. It is totally different to have a teenager in the house. I don't mean that in a bad way...it's just all of a sudden there are curfews and lots and lots of activities. It changes the dynamics of the family, yet all seem to be adjusting well. We joke that it seems like she's lived here longer than three weeks, because she's just part of the family now.
• Currently there are several men outside our office window building a garage. It's for the parsonage, which means we get to park in it. It's ginormous. I'm looking forward to NOT scraping the windshield this winter.
• Odie has a tumor. They give him 6 months to a year to live. We've decided not to treat it because of his age. Instead, Odie continues to live the life of luxury...napping all day. We also no longer worry about his weight problem...instead we give him bacon and hamburger...he may as well live it up.
• God is blowing me away with His timing lately. I'll share more later, in the mean time, I'm still trying to process all He's set into motion...it's a little dizzying.
• Have to go pick Jake up from his 2nd day of preschool. Happy Tuesday!

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Enjoy the Ride

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I went to an amusement park with my best friend and her mom. They tried desperately to get me to ride the small 4-person roller coaster. It looked ridiculously dangerous to me, and I was content being the wuss who wouldn't ride the coaster. Big deal. Eventually they somehow talked me into it. They promised I just had to do it once. And I did. Turned out...I loved it. They knew I would, if I'd just agree to get on the ride.

I feel like....God has picked me up with His huge arms and placed my body onto the seat of a giant roller coaster. He fastened the safety bar and assured me He's along for the ride and I will survive. I may get scared, and I may feel like barfing occasionally from the fear, but I will indeed survive.

There's two ways I can look at this ride He's placed me on. I can resist enjoying it. I can cover my eyes and scream in fear. I can resent the fact He put me on this particular ride in the first place...wishing he'd chosen a calmer one...that was boring and safe. I can live in fear of what the next hill, or loop or downward spiral is going to look like. I can endure it till it's finally over.

Or...

I can be thrilled that He chose such a crazy, exciting ride for me. I can enjoy the fact that I have no control over where the ride is going...what hill, drop or loop is next...I can find it exciting. I can rest in knowing that although it might be scary sometimes, it's also thrilling...because I'm safe. The safety bar is secure. I can throw my hands in the air and scream with joy. I can laugh.

There are many, MANY times where I find myself resisting the ride. Trying desperately to undo the safety harness and make someone stop the roller coaster. God has spoken some clear truths to my heart lately. I can fight all I want to in order to get off the ride...but I'm not getting off. I can embrace it, or I can resent it, but I don't get to choose a different ride.

And it turns out...I really kinda like this crazy ride. I just need an occasional kick in the butt reminding of it.:)

*image courtesy of www.ultimaterollercoaster.com*

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Ordinary = Good

Here's some random information to bring you up to date on my oh-so-ordinary life.

Ordinary = Good.

No worries, I'll narrow it down to the topics I bore talk about the most.

My family: Ben and I have been doing Jillians 30 Day shred together...we're on day 6 or 7. We've committed to do it everyday (except Sunday because good grief we need some rest) till Julie comes...25 more days. I'd like to say, for the record, that I'd gladly run 8 miles over TWO MINUTES OF JUMPING JACKS!

The Boys: It goes a little something like this...make a mess, leave that mess to start another mess...eat, eat, eat...fight like crazy...play like crazy...pool...eat, eat, eat...mom has a melt down that goes something like this: pick up your mess, get out of the food you JUST ATE, stop tattling, stop saying that, *watch in amazement as they play good together for a few hours*, remind them again to get out of the pantry, tell them it's time to practice reading...at which point they all suddenly quietly disappear...Summer is fun.

Running: Going good. 1/2 Mary is September 12th. We'll be ready. We won't be fast, but we'll be ready. Goal: Finish. I know, my standards are so high.

Julie: 25 days and she'll be here. Go here to see her and here to listen to her :)

The biggest most important thing: I'm struggling this Summer with giving God the rightful place He deserves...First...top priority. I'm used to structure and routine...both in my daily schedule and with our Ladies Bible study...but this Summer has put those both on hiatus and I find myself getting to the end of the day and realizing I never really took time with just Him. I hate that I so easily allow Him to get squeezed out by unimportant things...

Cute Clothes: I had said in my last post that I was going to share some of my favorite stuff from this Summer...and I'm still going to, sometime this week!

Well, I think that's pretty much all of it!

Your turn...fill me in ;)

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He's Got My Attention.

Friday I blogged that it felt like somone was messing with me.

Turns out...the messing was/is not quite over.

I find that unfortunate.

The rest of the story:

Ben's car is old and on its last leg of life...but it gets him to work and back...and it's paid for...so we heart that '91 Buick. But Saturday, the good 'ol Buick pretty much gave us fair warning that it would like to rest in peace...soon. It's timing on this...not so good.

Meanwhile...two different people in our tiny church suffered small heart attacks, both are ok, but recovery is long...

Sunday evening we were at church and Ben was preaching a particularly great sermon when the tornado sirens went off in tiny town. Our church has no basement. When I heard the deacon announce "everyone to the parsonage basement" I had to laugh...because my 100 year old basement/toy room is, quite frankly, a messy pit. I quickly replayed the conversation I'd had with myself just a couple days prior. It went something like this:

This basement is a pit. I should really pick up all the toys. Nah...the boys will just mess it up again and besides...no one ever sees it.

Famous last words.

So, everyone at church filed down into my basement. And oddly enough...I didn't even really care that they saw the big mess. I have three boys. I have bigger problems to worry about.

Hello. My name is Sarah...and I have a messy basement (and garage.)

The weather cleared enough for all but one family to go home. Pete and his three boys were able to hang out for awhile till the storm passed. Pete's wife is taking a class and working right now, and he shared that it had been a long day and he'd gotten inside and thought to himself that it would really be easier to stay home tonight rather than driving (the half hour) to church. But he figured if it was going to storm, he'd rather be at church than at home.

Ben and I were so thankful he had. God used him to encourage us...when we didn't even realize we needed encouragement. Pete shared some things he was praying about for us and our church...big things...and I laughed.

Remember another Sarah that laughed at God's big plans? Yeah.

Pete said to me, you laugh...but God can do it.

And he is right. God can do it. I never fail to believe that God can do big things. But I so often fail to believe that He will do big things. Because I feel I don't deserve for Him to do such things.

And then He reminds me it's not about being deserving. He's given me above and beyond what I deserve. And at the same time spared me some horrible consequences, that naturally speaking...I totally deserved.

This week has brought me to my knees...in a good way. God's got my attention, and right now I'm almost giddy with anticipation to see what He's got planned.

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Weird Dreams

Towards the end of each of my pregnancies I had weird dreams about the baby. I mean weird.

With my first, Noah, I remember dreaming that Ben and I were at a big stadium for some event and I had to go to the bathroom. I looked and looked and finally found one and as I sat on the toilet the baby just came out, IN THE TOILET. Oh, it gets better. When I turned around to get my first-born out of the public toilet, I was shocked to see that he wasn't actually human, but a baby piglet.

I awoke in a cold sweat, because weirdly enough the dream seemed completely real. I remember being so relieved when I felt my still huge belly, confirming the fact I had not actually given birth to a pig in a toilet at a stadium.

Although, the idea of the baby "just coming out" would have been nice.

Anyways. I am not pregnant. However, I am expecting a teenage daughter to arrive in less than two months now...and the dreams are starting.

How weird is that?

Saturday night I dreamt that she got here and couldn't speak English and I couldn't understand anything she said! And I couldn't figure it out, because we'd emailed back and forth for months and I had understood everything. The kicker though, everyone else could understand her...EXCEPT me!

Last night I dreamt that she'd arrived at the airport but we were having all kinds of trouble getting there to pick her up. Fist we were at the wrong one, then I couldn't get everyone rounded up again to get to the next airport, and then we couldn't find the way and everything seemed to be in slow motion and I just kept thinking SHE'S WAITING AND WE'RE NOT THERE! WE ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS! :)

Did I mention before I got married I kept dreaming my teeth became too large for my mouth and then all crumbled and fell out? Good times.

*image courtesy of google images*

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The One Where I Put Our Friendship to the Test...

It's days like this, as I sit down at the computer and type, I think to myself how weird blogging really is.

Because what I'm about to write is absolute nothingness and it should be considered kinda boring, even by close friends...yet, people will read it. And some will comment on it...and the cycle continues. That, my friends, is why I love blogging.

I can't explain it, but most of the time, my favorite posts (written by others) are the ones that are not well thought out, because it's in those moments that I get to peek into your lives...your real lives and see that in our own unique ways, we're each a little weird. The same kinda weird...and that is comforting. :)

Here goes.

It was an exciting day at the parsonage yesterday... The Hot FedEx Guy, FedEx Ground guy, and UPS guy all visited me. The Hot FedEx Guy, well because I'm married to him, the UPS guy brought me my new swimsuit I ordered, and the FedEx Ground guy brought me my newest bestest friend I will be wearing on my arm when running....meet Garmin.

He's a running watch...with GPS and I have wanted him for a long long time, but could never quite justify it because, well, I didn't really run enough. But now I do. And I found a good deal! And now he is going to kick my butt in shape by telling me how far I went and what my pace was, and he'll beep at me when I'm slacking...he's super smart like that. We are going on our first run together tonight, after Bible Club. I'm wearing him around today, ya know, just to get used to him ;)

The swimsuit looks like this. I've been wearing a tankini for the last several years, so this year it was time for something different...and it was on sale...and yes, I am coveting that models tan...and thighs...lets not talk about swimsuits anymore, they're expensive and depressing...and seriously, I can't stop thinking about having a tan :)

Maybe Garmin can help with the thighs...it's a lot of pressure to put on a watch.

Now I need to get off the computer and deal with this:

The Desk. Boo.

And these:

The more gadgets we acquire, the more cords! Anybody have any ideas how to organize them, because the system of wadding them up and shoving them in the drawer and then ripping them apart when we need one is, well, not working out so great. Shocking, I know.

If you've made it the end of this post, you have proved your loyalty...*pat on the back* for you my friend!

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If You Were Me

If you were me, you might...

• have decided to take all three boys to Target last night in order to get them something "nice" to wear for Easter Sunday.
• consider McDonald's Happy Meals a perfectly fine and nutritious supper.
• order a McDonald's caramel latte, after all, you're not a picky coffee drinker.  You've been known to re-heat day old coffee in the microwave.  
• think the caramel latte from McDonald's is the WORST thing you've ever tasted in your entire life.  
• Bribe/threaten/warn said boys about their behavior at Target because you are not in the mood to mess around.  Mama means business.
• be amazed that the bribing/threatening/warning thing was very effective on that particular day.
• reward your boys with candy, because what completes a nutritious happy meal like candy?!?
• reward yourself for your supreme patience and loving care while making children try on shoes...by buying yet another latte, only this time...Starbucks does not disappoint.
• set your expensive latte on the seat of your van because all the cup holders are full of old cups, and then get everyone situated only to find that most of your expensive, yummy, delicious latte is now in a puddle on your van seat...with your cell phone sitting in it.
• smile, gritting your teeth while a 7,6, and 3 year old scold you about what a bad idea it was to put your drink on your seat.
• dry your phone off as fast as you can PRAYING it still works.  Realize it does, except for the #1 and #3 buttons, which you actually need to use quite often, who knew?!?
• be relieved to wake up this morning to find that your phone, although sticky, has dried out and is now fully functional.  Phew.
• be brewing your 2nd pot of coffee this morning.

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Redundant

I'm having some trouble blogging lately.  Let's call it a funk of sorts.  

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that everyday is a little like the movie Groundhogs Day...you know, where you wake up and do the same thing over and over and OVER.  Truthfully, I don't mind it...except that then I find myself talking about the same things over and over.  

So goes life.  So goes me.  Whether you know me in real life, or just through this little blog, I'm afraid that's what you get.

Here it is.  In all it's redundant glory...what's rolling around in my head:

• I'm pretty focused on running right now.  Getting back into shape so that it can proceed to the next level, and then the next level, and eventually to what seems the impossible level for me...the 1/2 Mary (which is what my inspiring friend who somehow convinced me I can do this thing called the 1/2 marathon...and from this point on I'm only calling it that ;) 
• That means I'm really trying to eat healthier...and drink more water *bleh*  Not even my new cute bottle can make it more appealing.
• I'm a bit obsessive over the weather too, biting at the bit for it to get nice out and STAY nice.
• I'm very very disturbed at the guys-wearing-scarves-for-purely-fashion-reasons.  It's freaking me out a bit.  I love scarves.  I think women look great in scarves.  Men....well let's just say I'm having trouble letting that one go.
• I love casual summer dresses.  This is going to be the year of the summer dress for me.  Who needs shorts when I can wear a cute dress.  See...it's all about the weather people.
• My iPod...I've mentioned it in every conversation I've had for the past month.  
• Easter.
• Julie...and the countdown till she gets here!
• Summer vacation...lazy days at the pool and park with my boys.

Let me have it, what can't you stop thinking/talking about!?!  

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Just Another Day in Paradise

Seriously, I got nothin' for ya today.  It's 1:00 and I'm still in my pajama pants and bathrobe.

Last night, my running partner and I decided we'd run after Bible Club instead of early this morning.  Turns out, that I run quite well when fueled by a couple shots of espresso...don't think I didn't take note of THAT little morsel of information. It's a good thing we did, because...

Fast forward to 2:30  A.M.  Ben and I hear Jake crying and then he stops.  We go back to sleep.  Little later Jake is standing beside the bed crying and wanting in bed with us.  Figuring he had a bad dream, we tuck him in the middle and snuggle...a few minutes later....he barfs, everywhere.

Turns out the crying previously mentioned was because he'd first barfed in his own bed, but managed to not get any on himself, thus the lack of smell.  He also failed to mention two very important words before getting in our bed.... I. Barfed.

Fast forward to 1:00 PM.  Jake's sacked out on the couch watching Sponge Bob and no longer barfing, but running a fever and not looking so hot.

I'm not gonna lie, when the doorbell rang and it was the Schwan's guy...I totally pretended to not be home.  It helps that it looked like I really wasn't home, because my van is missing.  My husband stole it from me in order to drive himself to work while his car is in the shop.  

My life is a country song ;)

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I Got Lazy...

Three years ago when I moved to tiny-town one thing was blatantly obvious. If I was going to make friends here, it was going to take some effort on my part. In a small town where everyone knows each other it can be a little tricky to convince them you'd be an excellent addition to their little group.

I was on a mission to make friends. I'm certain I scared some off with my neediness eagerness.

Don't get me wrong, people were always kind and friendly to me, and I never felt like they were purposely trying to exclude me, it was just the simple fact that most groups of friends have an unspoken limit...most of the time we're not even aware of it, but I'm convinced it's true.

We get comfortable in groups. It's a weird phenomenon, but it happens to me all the time...it always has. We find those that we have some connection with and we settle in.

I eventually found my niche in tiny town. I've made friends and acquaintances. Connected who's related to who. And formed a group without even realizing it. Has our little group ever intentionally tried to make someone feel excluded? Absolutely not. Is there a chance that we've made someone feel excluded just by being together...probably.

Which brings me to my point (finally). Once I settled in and felt comfortable with the amount of friends I'd made, I stopped trying. Stopped reaching out to make new friends. Got lazy. Real lazy.

Same thing happened in bloggy land. Last year when I first started, I commented on all kinds of new blogs, visited the blog of any new commenter's...desperate to find my niche. And once I did...the familiar feeling of comfort set in and I thought to myself, as I often do, good enough.

And now I hear God whispering....No Sarah, not good enough.

Deep down I know I'm missing out on great new friendships, both real and bloggy ones. Now, I'm not talking about numbers of friends here, because balance is always involved. I'm talking about noticing and recognizing those around me in the same way I noticed them when I was searching for friendship.

So...out of my comfort zone, once again. And if you're new here, I will find you...consider yourself warned ;) And to all of you who've stuck with my boringness and become such good friends, reading and commenting so faithfully, THANK YOU! It really is part of what makes blogging so much fun.

Here's to doing better than enough.

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Perspective

It's interesting how circumstances can change in an instant.

That instant usually brings about a complete change in perspective for me.

Logically, I know I should be thankful for certain things, for certain people, all of the time.  But generally, I pretty much take it all for granted until something changes.

There are circumstances going on in so many of the lives around me...hard circumstances.  As I've thought on them today, God has given me a fresh perspective on my own life. 

My long list of things to whine about now looks like a long list of things to be thankful for.  Very thankful for.

I wish I could say that list will stay that way...unfortunately, it's likely that within hours I will once again be viewing many of those things on my list as less than desirable...not because the things changed, but because my selfish perspective changed.

Frustrating.

Praying today for the grace and wisdom I need from Him to be able to enjoy and appreciate every day life without something "tragic" forcing me to. 

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Gibberish

Sit down, take a few minutes and have some coffee with me.

It's mocha mint today, I bought it at a cute little tea room on Saturday night where many of us from our little church had a Valentine's dinner.  It's delish.

Pardon the green bathrobe and crazy hair.  I've been wearing it curly again because it's just so much easier that way, but curly hair is not very forgiving after being laid on...it's unfortunate really.  

I overslept this morning.  It's Jack Bauer's fault.  Ben and I stayed up till midnight watching the first season of 24.  I'm not ashamed to admit that we watched 4 or 5 episodes in a row last night. We're completely hooked.  Junkies, I tell you.

I have all three of my boys home today.  Jake was sick last week and he passed it along to his big brothers...no barfing involved, so I can't really complain.  

Have I mentioned Julie?  :)  I don't think I've had one conversation with anyone this past week that I have not managed to weave her in...and whip out some more pictures for them to see. We've only been communicating for a week now, and already I feel like she's a part of our family. It is really quite amazing.     I can't wait for her to come to tiny-town...but I've got some stuff to do first. 

Which leads me to painting.  I've got some big painting plans.  

Alright, your turn...  

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As If...

Last night during the Bible Club lesson I sat amongst the kids for a little role I like to call "crowd control." Granted, it was a small crowd, but it was made up of mostly squirley little boys.



One sweet little first grade boy was sitting in the front row...with ants in his pants (we say that kinda thing 'round here), one pew out of my reach. When I caught his eye, I smiled at him and motioned for him to come back and sit beside me.



He complied, and as he took the seat next to me, I heard him whisper to himself under his breath...I hate when I have to sit by the old ladies.



I silently *gasped* to myself. Surely he didn't think I was an old lady?!?



Oh yes he did! :)



I assure you, the inner 15-year old living inside of me...well, her feelings were hurt, HURT! Poor, poor girl.



Later on in the lesson something came up about old people, and my own first grader who was sitting on the other side of me leaned in and whispered, mom...you're old! As if they were talking about me...thank you Noah, thank you.



My inner 15 year old has two words for you first graders...AS IF!!



Remember saying As If?!? I may start again...because there's nothing like an old lady talking like a teenager ;)

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